Breaking patterns, habits and ceilings.

I love this. Breaking habits. Breaking patterns. Breaking blocks. Breaking points. Breaking addictions. Breaking chains. Breaking confinements. Breaking the ceiling. To become what we already are. By breaking through the walls of glass we have created ourselves. So we can walk right over the shattered glass beneath our feet, no longer confining, defining us. No longer able to scar us. It is beneath us.

According to New DSM-5 Criteria: YOU're An Addict!

Well, more likely than not the new criteria will open up for future inclusion of disorders that were previously diagnosed as impulse control disorders rather than actual addictions. However, fact remains that a lot of those behaviors, prescription meds and chemicals added to foods these days directly stimulate our dopaminergic neurotransmitter system which is one of the key pathways in your reward system activated by drugs such as coke, speed, meth etc.

And another interesting aspect is that internet, texting etc. stimulate dopamine boosts as well - making for a generation that is used to instant gratification and has a super vulnerable brain chemistry for hard-core drugs; or simply a chronic need for stimulation that goes hand in hand with a low tolerance to pain (emotionally and physically). This makes for the perfect "binge" generation that constantly seek out distractions they can numb out in to avoid feelings (sex, cutting, shopping, drugs, food, gambling, texting, online stimuli, stealing, lying, gaming, hysteria and rage tantrums etc. etc.). And because everyone these days are doing something to manage the everyday pain of life, when you are not content in the skin you are in and the life that YOU ultimately have chosen to live... we have indeed become a nation of addicts - as I see it.

Because everyone's an addict does not make it right - it's a problem, and it's growing as both our environment, food and norms are supporting various addictions that overlap.

Look, I know what you're thinking "Oh come on now! Give me a break! No one's perfect!" That's not the point. The point is, there is a very...very... fine line before something, that we trick ourselves into thinking that we are in control of, gets in control of us. And if you can't go even a week without your drug/behavior of choice, without throwing fits of rage or crying over everything and nothing, there is a problem that is not going to disappear on its own.

Once you stop engaging in your distractions, you'll realize how you really feel about your life... and that is not always pretty.

When you are not happy in the skin you are in without numbing yourself out; it's only a matter of time before you will find yourself controlled by behaviors or substances... where every decision you make depends on whether you will be able to ultimately get your fix... so you only see your friends during "happy hour"... cos if it's not happy hour, you're not happy. Don't get me wrong: I love my Amarone too! But there's a huge difference between "nice to have" and "need to have". And "need to have" is never nice.

And on a side note - Sylvester Stallone's son, Sage, has just been found dead in his LA apartment. Make no mistake: Addiction will kill you - it is a slow suicide. And sometimes, not so slow. You can get the latest details on this on TMZ.



"The fact that binge drinking is so pervasive among college students and other young people indicates not that it is the norm, and therefore OK (not a problem), but that it is a very big problem indeed. Arguing otherwise is like saying that since so many Americans are obese, it needn’t be addressed because it is a cultural norm."

- The Fix

Read more about the controversy about the new diagnosing criteria to be included in the DSM 5 here.

Awakenings.

Living the lie. 

I believe it's human nature to be an addict. 
And I also believe that the temptation to give in to instant gratification makes for an outcome where we tend to gravitate towards ultimately (self)destructive behaviors that we become addicted to by repeating them again and again; reinforcing the reward mechanism and mapping out new paths for pleasure in our brain.

A brain that gets addicted to misery, unnatural highs and extreme lows. Insanity becomes our new sanity. We feel comfortable when we engage in patterns that our brain is used to recognizing and rewarding with a cascade of pleasure chemicals such as endorphins, serotonin, glutamate and dopamine. Every high, every instant gratification, outburst of rage... whatever our shadow is... is followed predictably with a crash. And so we must do it again - and often times in a more extreme manner, as we adapt to drugs and behaviors; dopamine is only stimulated by novelty. We get used to this way of being, and our brain responds with pain whenever we try to change our ingrained behaviors. Because it has no reward system attached to the new (healthier) habits we are trying to develop. Yet, that is.

Addiction is not limited to drugs - it's everything and anything.
Shopping, sex, drugs, alcohol, food, cutting, gambling, Internet and... even something like being a drama queen. You become addicted to the highs and lows, and your constant fits of rage and hysteria... you are actually turned on (unconsciously) by the emotional pornography and manipulative spiel you participate in. When you engage in a fight with someone, your body releases beta-endorphins - our natural painkillers - which are highly addicting. So yes, even "personalities" can be addictive.

Destructive behaviors are tempting for our basic instincts, when we have not become conscious yet. They tap into our shallow desires on a very primitive level. Now I am all for following basic instincts, but you need to be able to be driven on a much deeper level than what feels like s prickling sensation on your skin. Sensations come and go - passion (with reason) remains. But much worse is that when you give into the prickling, tingling sensation on your skin, it typically slits your veins when you least expect it, and leaves scars that often run soul deep.

So how do you know when you are following a shallow temptation?
When you are not selling your soul, you need no legislation or permission from anyone. Because it feels right. When you try to manipulate yourself and others by giving a thousand reasons why something is OK. It's not. It goes against your core beliefs. You can play mind-games with yourself. Distract yourself. Tell yourself you are fine. Everything is fine. Everybody else is doing it.

Wait. What. When did something become right, just because everyone else is doing it? 

Everybody's doing it... is how the worst scenarios in history unfolded.
Your life being no exception to this excuse.

Look yourself in the mirror. Do you recognize yourself? Self-loathing is tied to selling yourself short.
Why is this message so important for me to repeat over and over again - because I know this is the key to unlock every human being's bright light and endless potential. I know how painful it is to be a sleepwalker. And once you wake up, you can't go back to sleep.
All the pain and misery we feel is tied to a longing to connect with ourselves on a soul level. Follow your calling and become you. Become whole. And suddenly life is not that hard anymore.

Life, in fact, is very easy. 

Don't follow the herd as they run off the cliff, because that is essentially what we are doing - look around you - how many are not struggling with some type of destructive behavior to deal with life. AND LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. It's not that tough, it really isn't - it's all in our minds. And whether we choose to numb ourselves and ignore who we really are.


It is living the lie that is killing us and leads us down a road towards lifestyle diseases due to the suicidal lifestyles we choose to "cope" with the lies we tell ourselves - and others.
I don't have to tell you what's right - you know it. I don't know your truth. I don't know the lies you tell. But anyone who is not a sleepwalker can recognize the pain and suffering in others that are still lost in a haze.
If something makes you smile - just makes you radiate from within - do it, and do it again. Because then it's right. Everything else is tied to lies. You always get that slight metallic aftertaste that you need to wash down with a couple drinks if not. Just a little Anesthesia to take the edge off of your contradicting choices in life.

You numb yourself into unconsciousness.
And with no consciousness we don't think about the long-term consequences. All that matters is here and now. Typically because our choices cause chronic pain we get stuck in a drive for release this very moment, right now... want it now, need it now... nowNOWnow!
Or we will simply go insane. Or so we feel.

Posing for the cameras.
How many drugs does this lie take to sustain.

Feelings.
Of pain, rejection, discomfort in the skin you are in.
And wherever you look, there is a giant billboard screaming with a commercial for whatever "drug" or behavior you engage in; that you are fine. Everything is fine. This is normal. You are normal.
Paris Hilton does it. JLO is doing it. Heck, even your neighbor is doing it.
Do they seem like happy people to you? Why do you think they need all that makeup, botox and designer clothes... to cover up their hollowness inside... this is not rocket science.

Have you looked at how normal people are feeling and living lately?
All the silent screams. All the tears that never dry. All the pretension; the constant legalization of whatever we are doing, it's OK. Distracting yourself. Pretending it's not happening.

Go ahead dive in. Be part of the misery. Sell your soul.

Because that is essentially what you are doing, when you switch off the lights. Drowning in the darkness. 

And yet, if you can recognize any of these thought-patterns, it's too late to turn around, to go back to sleep, because you have seen the cuts... the blood stains on the floor. The vividly red streams cutting into the deep bottomless black that is within every human being.

Once you have awoken from your sleep, there is no escape. All EXITS are locked. You can either swim or drown, but you can't tread water anymore. Knowledge is power, but it comes with responsibility to take action.
You can't know and NOT do: If you've chosen to pull the curtain, you must stand up to whatever sight comes with it. There is no sneak-peaking once the curtain falls.

The first step is to wake up and stop pretending.

However painful that may be.

Living in denial of your shadow.

The stronger the repulsion, the stronger the hate, the stronger the disdain for whatever or whomever... you can be sure, it is your own dark side.
Stop pretending. Get real. Switch on the light. Embrace your dark side.

Or self-destruct.

The Scent. Of Blood.

Why is it that we tend to repeat the very behaviors that we ourselves have been hurt by in the past.
Shouldn't it be crystal-clear that in order to not cause any more pain in our own and other people's lives, then we must never engage in behaviors that we KNOW will cause pain?

Thing is, it is a fine line - because one needs to have cut oneself in order to know the scent of blood, and know how to heal the wounds before the cut gets too deep and the blood drains; leaving the victim lifeless.

The scent of blood is tied to a deep longing to be loved.

If you don't know the scent of blood you have no clue on how to pick up the warning signs of scratched skin in others, and you will not be able to show empathy, because we can only connect to things that we have ourselves been exposed to in some form or another; you need to have felt pain to know what pain looks like in others. If you do not know what blood is, how can you stop someone from dying? You will simply wander through the bloodbath oblivious to the pain and suffering.

On the other hand: If your cuts are so deep, that they have drained your blood, and left you emotionally dead, then you will be drawn to the scent of blood like sharks in the ocean. You will find pleasure in other people's pain, because you have not healed yourself, and you are hurting so deeply that the only thing that can temporarily relief you from your misery is that someone else is in more pain than you.

And thus, hurting others becomes your coping mechanism; your life vest to keep you from drowning.
You more or less consciously seek out your victims, suck their blood and leave them lifeless - just like you once were. Yes, vampires do exist.

In order to break the habit of sucking out the life of others, you need to become conscious first. Because when people hurt others, they do it on auto-play - it is a habit so deeply ingrained in them that it is like breathing, they have led themselves to believe that it is necessary for their very survival.
How do you know if you are a vampire? Well, look at the trail of blood you have left behind. We will all have some blood stains behind us here and there, but if there literally is a trail of blood, then you are addicted to misery.

You cannot quit cold-turkey even though this is not a drug per se, but it still serves as your life vest - a survival mechanism. Most likely you don't even know you are doing it, but simply feel that you are a victim of bad luck.

And this in itself should be a warning sign: There is no such thing as bad luck, only bad choices.
You can learn to make better choices. Choices that slowly enable you to let go of the pain of the past and your addiction to misery.
It's human to be drawn to the dark side, but that does not make it any less painful nor acceptable.

You have a choice to change the way you act and react - affecting those around you, as well as your own life. Every time you hurt someone else, you step further away from happiness - even if you find instant gratification in the moment.

Stop hurting others. You are hurting yourself.

Monopolizing misery.

Meet client A: She is  21, comes from a wholesome family, tall and slender, has a loving and handsome boyfriend and her dad’s credit card in her pocket. And yet she cries herself to sleep every night, covers the mirrors in self-hatred and does coke on the weekends. She has no deep traumas. Spoiled brat, is she?

Meet client B: She is 23, sexually abused by her dad since her mother died when she was in her early teens. Everyone can understand that she cuts herself to distract herself from the emotional pain, prefers vodka over water and can’t hold a job (...).

Question: Who has the right to pain of the two? 

Answer: Both. Pain is in perception. Life hurts. Everyone cries. And they both hurt equally much. It is not what you go through in life, but how you deal with it.

Everyone has the right to pain, ironically people somehow tend to compete in that area, addicted to misery and yearning for pity: Demanding the right to misery, insisting that certainly their situation is unique; their life is so much tougher than anyone else’s (...)

If there is one thing I have learnt in life, it is that everybody hurts sometimes. No one hurts more than others. And yet it seems that there is this competition going on “who has it tougher”. I don’t get it: Aren’t we supposed to change what we don’t like in life, instead of continue being in a situation that cause us to complain day in and day out.

Isn’t insanity defined by the very act of doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different outcome...?

If so, insanity is the new normalcy. 

And that is just plain sad. It is certainly nothing to brag about.

Animals know pain, but no self-pity.

If you don’t like the cards you have been dealt, then play a different game.

Why continue to play a game that you hate? That makes no sense.

Only humans tend to be addicted to misery and demand pity. It is an incredibly selfish act, this trying to manipulate others via emotional pornography. Everyone deserves empathy and love, but using emotions to manipulate is pure selfishness.

I have never seen an animal feel sorry for itself. They take the hits, and then they move on. Kittens tumble and fall, and their mothers watch from a distance, ensuring that they can handle the hit, but don’t intervene unless a matter of life and death. They learn from an early age that “hey, life hurts, and it’s going to kick you til you lie down, so you might as well learn to protect yourself, lick your wounds, and then get back up”. Even when animals die, do they demand pity and cry? No, they carry themselves with pride, and bundle up to die. That is life. Death is a natural part of life. And if one has faith in God, then death is not the end.

Pain is universal, it’s not a competition about who hurts the most - because everyone hurts. It is about finding a solution and healing the scars: Everyone deserves to be loved. And oftentimes those who cry in silence need it more than those who open the watergates in public in a vain attempt to gain pity and attention.


If you need help to redesign your life, contact your Life Stylist - we can help you out of misery. We understand the biochemical and emotional complexities when changing your life, whether you a struggling with an addiction due to an imbalanced brain chemistry or stuck in self-destructive black/white addictive thinking causing fear and anxiety to take up your focus.

There are many ways to commit suicide...

Some of us do it by the knife and fork; gluttony.
Some of us do it by drugging ourselves with Rx meds for years; escaping our emotions.
Some of us take on dead-end jobs that go nowhere; finding solace in never taking risks and being rejected.
Some of us stay in abusive relationships; finding comfort in negative reinforcements of how little value we add.
Some of us prefer to do it in public and hang out at bars after work; numbing our spiritual needs.

What are we trying to hide; what are the feelings that we don't feel comfortable dealing with?
Why are we so scared of leaving our comfort zone when it is obvious to anyone from the outside that it is hurting us?
Why are we so scared of dying, when the truth is that the majority of us live lives that are like walking deads and we even actively engage in activities that numb us out; disabling us from experiencing the flavors of life.

We all die in the end. And yet everyone seems to obsess about it; things that are beyond our control. It's a funny thing that humans tend to turn into control freaks concerning things that they will never be able to control, and yet the basic things in life that we can control - we never do.
We don't take control of our lives and make it happen. Instead we pursue things that will only bring failure. Maybe it is the appeal of knowing the outcome already, so we don't have to deal with our dreams being crushed like glass shattered on the floor. We will just crush them already - that way we don't have to deal with disappointment, because we dare not dream.
But we should, because without pain there would be no healing. Without hurt there would be no recovery. Without vulnerability there would be no strength.

I'm not afraid of the inevitable that is beyond my power, but I am afraid of not living while I am alive.
You are the only one who is in control of your life while you are alive.
You are the only one who can take responsibility for your outcome in life.
There is no one to put the blame on but you.
Is this the life you want?

Or are you slowly self-destructing...