That run through your veins.
Penetrating your heart; leaving you breathless.
As if it no longer is possible to take full deep breaths.
Now and then you try, but the pain remains the same.
They say time heals all wounds, but they have never met you.
Some things are best forgotten.
Some things are best left unsaid.
Some things you just wish never happened.
And yet - could it have made you a better man?
Let's say you didn't do it, that it never happened.
Whatever it is - matters not.
In this context.
In this context.
Would you think yourself immortal. That nothing could break you.
And when it finally hit, you never knew, because you never looked back.
You would just stumble and fall. Never to rise again.
Now you glance back once in a while.
Just to check the tracks you leave behind.
That there is only one set of foot prints.
No blood stains, and no rivers that run dry.
Because you remember a different time, another¨place.
And that keeps you safe.
In the now, somehow.
Traces that you just can't erase.
Splinters left in your heart for you to feel the pain.
Lest you ever bend over again.
You won't break.
The splinters remind you before it's too late.
I wonder if splinters also serve to make us rely on external help....that we can not, and should not try to do it all on our own.
ReplyDeleteDon't you remember begging "mommy/daddy, it hurts! Please take it out!"?
addendum to my previous comment: many soul-wounds/splinters can never be healed - only salved and comforted with love.
ReplyDeleteYes - asking for help, overcoming pride and fear of rejection. Somehow though... I think... unconditional love... the naivety and gravity defying of it all... can remove splinters. And thus perhaps no pain remains. Very difficult, though, as there will always be triggers to revert to old behaviors carved in your heart and mind. Perhaps one can sow new seeds on those tracks, so they no longer are walkable... I believe so.
ReplyDeleteOh, how nice it would be to have at least some of that pain completely removed. One fears getting up hopes and expectations for such a thing....it sure seems easier, or even more realistic, to hope for the momentary soothing (or mere distraction?) which comes from real (or, in some cases, perceived) love.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the honor of conversing with me here on your blog. I like how you see things....you seem to be a sort of a kindred spirit.
ReplyDeleteThis was in my reading for today...I feel it may add a little perspective. Can we assume that "splinters" are a form of evil?
Day 326
The Mystery of Evil
Middling people are shocked at the wickedness of the wicked; Gibbie, who knew both so well, was shocked only at the wickedness of the righteous. He never came quite to understand Mr. Sclater: the inconsistent never can be understood. That only which has absolute reason in it can be understood of man. There is a bewilderment about the very nature of evil which only He who made us capable of evil that we might be good, can comprehend.
-from George MacDonald’s “Sir Gibbie/The Baronet’s Song”: An Anthology - 365 readings by CS Lewis
Trail’s personal thoughts:
2008: Wow! What a thought! God created us with free will, and, right along with it the potential of doing evil. SO, therefore, God DID create ALL things…although He did not create evil but, justly so, He created the ability of choice to do it (evil).
I forgot to explain in the above quote that Mr. Sclater was the a clergyman (pastor) in that story, and supposedly stood for religious Christianity...but man's version of it. Mr. (Reverand) Sclater had a very human perspective towards material things. Even Jesus Christ, Himself, castigated many religious leaders of His day. http://www.ccel.org/ccel/macdonald/sirgibbie.xxxviii.html
ReplyDeleteAlso, in this story, Gibbie was a young orphan who heard far more than he spoke....and he was a prime example of someone who freely gave unconditional love which helped bring about salving the inner wounds of many others in the story. He's the kind of person many of us wish we had as a friend.
"The wickedness of the righteous" - how that perfectly describes the perversity of man committing hybris.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand evil nor how to recognize it, I think. Splinters are not evil - they can simply be perception - sometimes fears that are only paper thin. Or they can be placed very discretely by another being; often as a form of distraction of their own pain - so the force the pain upon others. And that is very, very tragic to witness - both the killer and the victimized. Is it evil? No, it is human.
And I think sometimes splinters can save you from dying from a sudden attack later. Because you are more aware. And you know the first signs of scratched skin before it turns into blood baths.
The question remains though: how to remove the splinters safely. Often dreamers who carry splinters tend to get lost in thought and thus have the ability to dream but never manifest them into something real, as they are numbed by fear. And that ends up hurting even more. Dreams is the key to eternity but also living dead. Living only in your head... mindgames - falling in love with a dream that is not real because one lacks the courage to dare. To dare fall. In love with life and taste and crawl. Because one thinks that perhaps that splinter will dig deeper into your heart and soul.
And while dreams are pure, reality is not (...)
But then again, who wants purity without the dirt. One without the other is nonesense.
Dreams can come true, fantasies probably should not. It all depends upon our choices and actions.....despite fears. Sometimes...well, sometimes pain can become so overpowering that we reach for the fantasy and turn it into action....and THAT often creates the worst splinters ever....the ones which sink DEEP into the soul and can never and, probably, should never be removed to serve as a reminder to just stick to the (healthy) dreams.
ReplyDeleteWould you agree that fantasies are the ones which can turn into addiction such as pornography or S&M or theft or adultery or gluttony or alcoholism or gambling("Dante's deadly sins"?)? These are the deep wounds (often self-inflicted) which make life for some of us such that about all that we can focus on is trying to just get through this day, each day at a time.
Fear truly is numbing when you've been "there" and never ever want to go "there" again.
But...you are right. There is hope. There is always hope...as long as Love exists.
Love is always the most important and best thing, no matter what.
I, for myself, choose to believe in the promise that whoever truly seeks Love will find it...eventually, at least.
I embrace your last comment: the only way we will find love here, in this life, will be in the form of another imperfect soul.
I do not know how to remove the splinters....but, for myself, so long as I feel mutually loved, I have the incentive and initiative, and the help, to manage the pain from the splinters which prove to be irremovable.
Very well said. And I agree.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the line between dreams and fantasies is so fragile, and can be difficult to determine what is real and what is not - or rather what should be carried out in real life. And while dreams are the springboard for every great achievement - yes, fantasies often lead to self-destructive behaviours in the form of some sort of addictive behavior. Pure escapism. And yes, you are right - those splinters that stem from that should never be removed but only balmed. So we never forget our shortcomings.