Awakenings.

Living the lie. 

I believe it's human nature to be an addict. 
And I also believe that the temptation to give in to instant gratification makes for an outcome where we tend to gravitate towards ultimately (self)destructive behaviors that we become addicted to by repeating them again and again; reinforcing the reward mechanism and mapping out new paths for pleasure in our brain.

A brain that gets addicted to misery, unnatural highs and extreme lows. Insanity becomes our new sanity. We feel comfortable when we engage in patterns that our brain is used to recognizing and rewarding with a cascade of pleasure chemicals such as endorphins, serotonin, glutamate and dopamine. Every high, every instant gratification, outburst of rage... whatever our shadow is... is followed predictably with a crash. And so we must do it again - and often times in a more extreme manner, as we adapt to drugs and behaviors; dopamine is only stimulated by novelty. We get used to this way of being, and our brain responds with pain whenever we try to change our ingrained behaviors. Because it has no reward system attached to the new (healthier) habits we are trying to develop. Yet, that is.

Addiction is not limited to drugs - it's everything and anything.
Shopping, sex, drugs, alcohol, food, cutting, gambling, Internet and... even something like being a drama queen. You become addicted to the highs and lows, and your constant fits of rage and hysteria... you are actually turned on (unconsciously) by the emotional pornography and manipulative spiel you participate in. When you engage in a fight with someone, your body releases beta-endorphins - our natural painkillers - which are highly addicting. So yes, even "personalities" can be addictive.

Destructive behaviors are tempting for our basic instincts, when we have not become conscious yet. They tap into our shallow desires on a very primitive level. Now I am all for following basic instincts, but you need to be able to be driven on a much deeper level than what feels like s prickling sensation on your skin. Sensations come and go - passion (with reason) remains. But much worse is that when you give into the prickling, tingling sensation on your skin, it typically slits your veins when you least expect it, and leaves scars that often run soul deep.

So how do you know when you are following a shallow temptation?
When you are not selling your soul, you need no legislation or permission from anyone. Because it feels right. When you try to manipulate yourself and others by giving a thousand reasons why something is OK. It's not. It goes against your core beliefs. You can play mind-games with yourself. Distract yourself. Tell yourself you are fine. Everything is fine. Everybody else is doing it.

Wait. What. When did something become right, just because everyone else is doing it? 

Everybody's doing it... is how the worst scenarios in history unfolded.
Your life being no exception to this excuse.

Look yourself in the mirror. Do you recognize yourself? Self-loathing is tied to selling yourself short.
Why is this message so important for me to repeat over and over again - because I know this is the key to unlock every human being's bright light and endless potential. I know how painful it is to be a sleepwalker. And once you wake up, you can't go back to sleep.
All the pain and misery we feel is tied to a longing to connect with ourselves on a soul level. Follow your calling and become you. Become whole. And suddenly life is not that hard anymore.

Life, in fact, is very easy. 

Don't follow the herd as they run off the cliff, because that is essentially what we are doing - look around you - how many are not struggling with some type of destructive behavior to deal with life. AND LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. It's not that tough, it really isn't - it's all in our minds. And whether we choose to numb ourselves and ignore who we really are.


It is living the lie that is killing us and leads us down a road towards lifestyle diseases due to the suicidal lifestyles we choose to "cope" with the lies we tell ourselves - and others.
I don't have to tell you what's right - you know it. I don't know your truth. I don't know the lies you tell. But anyone who is not a sleepwalker can recognize the pain and suffering in others that are still lost in a haze.
If something makes you smile - just makes you radiate from within - do it, and do it again. Because then it's right. Everything else is tied to lies. You always get that slight metallic aftertaste that you need to wash down with a couple drinks if not. Just a little Anesthesia to take the edge off of your contradicting choices in life.

You numb yourself into unconsciousness.
And with no consciousness we don't think about the long-term consequences. All that matters is here and now. Typically because our choices cause chronic pain we get stuck in a drive for release this very moment, right now... want it now, need it now... nowNOWnow!
Or we will simply go insane. Or so we feel.

Posing for the cameras.
How many drugs does this lie take to sustain.

Feelings.
Of pain, rejection, discomfort in the skin you are in.
And wherever you look, there is a giant billboard screaming with a commercial for whatever "drug" or behavior you engage in; that you are fine. Everything is fine. This is normal. You are normal.
Paris Hilton does it. JLO is doing it. Heck, even your neighbor is doing it.
Do they seem like happy people to you? Why do you think they need all that makeup, botox and designer clothes... to cover up their hollowness inside... this is not rocket science.

Have you looked at how normal people are feeling and living lately?
All the silent screams. All the tears that never dry. All the pretension; the constant legalization of whatever we are doing, it's OK. Distracting yourself. Pretending it's not happening.

Go ahead dive in. Be part of the misery. Sell your soul.

Because that is essentially what you are doing, when you switch off the lights. Drowning in the darkness. 

And yet, if you can recognize any of these thought-patterns, it's too late to turn around, to go back to sleep, because you have seen the cuts... the blood stains on the floor. The vividly red streams cutting into the deep bottomless black that is within every human being.

Once you have awoken from your sleep, there is no escape. All EXITS are locked. You can either swim or drown, but you can't tread water anymore. Knowledge is power, but it comes with responsibility to take action.
You can't know and NOT do: If you've chosen to pull the curtain, you must stand up to whatever sight comes with it. There is no sneak-peaking once the curtain falls.

The first step is to wake up and stop pretending.

However painful that may be.