You don't HAVE to change.

I'm really stubborn if I feel like someone is trying to control me.

Christina Santini coaches health a-z incl. addictions
+ eating disorders in office in Los Angeles + Skype.

Like, I can't even control myself for crying out loud. So I've had to figure out a way to trick myself into doing what is essentially best for me without me getting all rebellious and whatnot. If I set some boundaries I can be sure that it is only a matter of time before every cell in me will itch to go beyond that line. Because I don't like rules. They feel so confining. Mind you, that is even those rules that I have chosen to set for myself because I know I should stick to them. I do like values - and I think integrity and living according to your core values is crucial.

This stubborn 5-year old mentality has led me to tap into how I can use intrinsic motivation to change. The only way I can change and motivate myself to implement better behaviors is to tap into WHY would I want to do this -- because I don't absolutely have to. I don't have to do anything absolutely, in fact. 

Yes, there are consequences if I don't - but then I am doing this because I WANT to, so I can avoid dealing with the consequences. That's valid. 

Do you get this? Because if we simply tell ourselves "well, you gotta stop eating burgers and fries, cos you're fat" - which is in fact, what most of us tell ourselves along with other nasty adjectives daily that we don't even notice because they're on autoplay, brainwashed by magazines, tv and peer pressure - we will get very resentful, focus on the negative and what we CAN'T do - and where focus goes energy flows. So sooner or later we will do what we are focusing on not to do.

Here's the thing, though, none of us like to be told what to do. We like to do stuff because it feels good from within our soul. We like to do stuff that nurtures our core values and resonates with who we are.

That is, when we know who we are.

And that's where the struggle lies for a lot of us: We have no clue who we are, we just know that we feel disconnected, and we have a void that we want to fill. With something and anything - so we try diets to fit into skinny jeans. 

When that gets boring, and we really... like... REALLY... want that double stuffed chocolate cake with a layer of whipped cream, then we decide we binge for a while. 

When that gets boring and our jeans don't fit anymore, we go to the bars and pick up guys, girls or both or many or whatever rocks our boat. 

When that gets old, we chase money. That can sometimes last a lifetime - always chasing something that we can complain about is the root to all our sorrows in life. When in fact we are just using it to project our inner dysfunction onto something external, and remove the weight of responsibility from our own shoulders. Nice, but not so nice - because when we don't carry the weight of responsibility, we can't change, we are stuck in status quo complaining aimlessly over everything and everyone but us. And this leads to resentment and bitterness in the end: We feel that we didn't get in life what we deserved. When, in fact, we didn't really even try. We didn't make the effort, we just hummed along in the herd making a lot of noise, but not really going anywhere, as we didn't want to venture out on new grounds. We just did the minimum of what (we thought) was expected of us to fit in and stuck to the rest of the flock. All humming along to the same old tune. That's the comfort zone. Unfortunately, the comfort zone is not very comfortable in the long run. 

It's a pretty dirty place in fact. 

The key to change is to ask yourself: Why might you want to change in the first place? And why is that reason important TO YOU? 

Remember no one absolutely has to do anything. We change because we want to. We change when we can't stop ourselves from reconnecting with our core values and calling in life. We change when we tap into that motivation within.

We change because we want to become a better person - only you know what that person looks like, feels like and acts like, in your skin.

So ask yourself one simple question: Why MIGHT you want to change?

And why is THAT reason important TO YOU?

Because you don't HAVE to.
No one absolutely has to do anything.
You too have been granted free will, you are not a passive victim being pushed around even if that's what you are telling yourself. You can always choose not to change. It's your decision. 

What's Your Story?

I think this shirt is pretty awesome. In fact, I am considering giving it to all my girlfriends.

If there's one thing that we all need to change, and that we in fact are in total and complete control over, it's the crap we tell ourselves day in and day out. 

And for a lot of us, it has to do with a very disturbingly poor bodyimage. Often we are so used to this, that we don't even notice that 75% of our awake time goes with talking crap to ourselves - and every time we eat, catch our reflection in the window and when we wake up - we tell ourselves how fat, ugly etc. etc. we are.

The issue is, that we in fact become what we tell ourselves - where focus goes, energy flows, and that's why it is imperative to let go of our narcissistic focus on our body, because we can simply never evolve as humans and reach another level of being and thinking, if all our time is spent with trying to fix a facade or constantly just hurting ourselves with telling how not-worthy we are. 

This is a huge issue, not just for chicks. The thing is, that it is incredibly emotionally draining and spreads a lot of negativity, when we surround ourselves with people who talk crap-talk consistenly about themselves. No one wants to hear it, and we need to stop for a minute and think about what effect, we are having on other people. Because we do affect other people. And you do not want to be that person, who constantly talks about dieting, needing to lose weight, needing to get married, needing to get xyz needing this needing that and yadayadayada. It's desperate and it turns everyone off - even your goddamn cat doesn't wanna hear it.

Even if you have to fake it at first - do it. Just stop verbalizing all your negative self-talk step 1, and step 2 find a mantra that reenforces the person you want to be. Step 3 repeat this mantra til it becomes your new story.

That's it. 

Simply changing your story and what you tell yourself, not only changes your own life, and how you treat yourself, but it also draws in a completely different friend crowd, and you will no longer be that person who drains the energy out of other people, because you are so caught up in your own vanity that you don't even notice others, but only you, yourself and your issues.

Life is too short for issues. And it's all in your mind. It really is. So get over yourself - there are more important things to life.

Flavors of Life - Sicily

For me, food is so much more than what's on your plate.
What's on your plate tells me something about how you view yourself and the world - do you feel you need to control it? Do you feel you need to binge on every opportunity never being in the moment, but just stuffing yourself to numb out and because you are scared of feelings? Do you savor the flavors of life? Are you able to let go and just go with the flow, or do you define your world in black and white and stick to restrictive dietary strategies... in fear.

Do you stop and savor the flavors of life... nibbling on that decadently rich piece of flour-less French chocolate torte, or slowly licking your plate clean from the bittersweetness of the tiramisu.

I love food. I love tearing up fresh-baked ciabatta rolls with my hands; dipping the pieces in olive oil. I love the passion.... I love the colors... that also reflect in the way you dress yourself. Your zest for life and fun, from what's on your plate to your style. I have a passion for fashion - not out of vanity in as much as it's part of experiencing the flavors of life on every level... and who does it better than the Italians... I love this video that reflects the colors, the style of everyday people. It's genuine; it's real and it's attractive on another level - a soul level; in stark contrast to your body-mind starved airbrushed, hollow Vogue models.

I love that.

Only the lonely has self-confidence.

Believe in yourself! You can do it! You are powerful! You and you alone can do everything!  Just set your mind to it.

Or not.

Alone you are nothing but a weakling; you alone are nothing. And deep inside you know it. That's why it makes you angry. That's why you continue to need other human beings' approving nod of your existence - and we do this in so many different ways, that we don't even realize how much we are draining other people by asking them to fill the void within us. Please love me, please tell me I'm pretty, please tell me I'm good enough, please tell me you love me. 

The real question is: do YOU love anyone...?

I know that this is not politically correct to say; and you may disagree, which is fine; I often disagree with myself as time goes by. After all, that is why we have a mind, isn't it? So we can CHANGE it as new stuff comes to light.

We are raised in a culture that currently promotes and rewards those that claim to know-it-all - to have found their inner power; that they are second to none. That they alone have everything they need, just by being them. Alone they believe they are immortal, or as close as it comes, anyway.

While it's always difficult to explain the absolute crucial need to believe in that you, in fact, can do anything and everything; the fallacy lies in believing that you ALONE can do it.

Alone you are nothing. 

And I'm not talking about being alone as in no one else physically around you; I'm talking about where your confidence is derived from.
Anyone who has ever gone even partway down the path of Hubris, knows how fragile the human mind is and that humans are, in fact, incredibly weak hedonistic beings when they rely on themselves (what we like to call "great self-confidence").

There is nothing great about self-confidence. 

Self-confidence is a defense mechanism that you put up - thick as a brick-wall - to protect your fragile little self from the outside. Meaning, no one will see your debilitating weaknesses, and no one will be able to see you - who you really are - due to the shield you have built, and what others will call "great self-confidence".

Kim Kardashion & Paris Hilton: Sex, drugs, and exhibitionism... 

No, this is not confidence. 

This is a brick-wall thick as steel covering up weakness. 

And with all eyes on you, 

it's no easy task to tear down your self-built brick-wall.

You come off as being tough as steel.

You're unbreakable and your friends will praise you for it; yet you will also constantly get challenged in order to be proven wrong. Your strength will constantly be challenged by the outside, because that is human nature: to challenge what seems unbreakable. But deep inside you know, that you are so fragile... so broken.... that you dare not let anyone in, lest they step on your shattered, broken pieces, and you fear the pain of the splinters penetrating into your core soul. You simply don't believe that you are able to deal with the pain at any level. You are living in constant fear of pain. There is really nothing confident nor attractive about that.

Emotions are terrifying to you and you don't have the confidence to believe that you are actually able to deal with them, so you suppress them; ignore them... you choose numbness. A pause button of sorts; unfortunately the time is still ticking.

Now there are different levels to this; not all of us will build brick-walls; some of us manage to just build a tree fence; so we deal with a bit of feelings now and then, and we can let people slightly in; and  ironically as the pain and the numbness is not totally life debilitating; many of those of us who have built simple tree fences go through our entire life like this - only partly alive; always half asleep; never hot but never ice cold either. We have adjusted to perfect fitness for a sick society. We have mastered the art of fitting into a lukewarm society contaminated with mediocricy; we avoid swimming against the stream - we simply float with it, and hope for the best (...).

The key is to find confidence in what it is that gives you strength; because you can do ANYTHING through what it is that gives you power. It's just like a lamp; the lamp must rely on an electrical output otherwise it may look pretty, but it is worth nothing and it is good for nothing.

And that is why self-confident people are, in  fact, the most vulnerable and weakest of all - they are not dealing with one single emotion, not one single feeling dare they feel as they fear it will break them. And they are constantly torn between society's praise of them being awesome and unbreakable (just namedrop any celebrity here you like..) and their own inner knowledge of that they alone are nothing (why they rely on drugs/sex/alcohol/rage outbursts/gambling/shopping/stealing etc. to numbify them).

That is weakness.

True strength is only available once you surrender every single part of you; accepting your vulnerabilities... and have faith in what gives you strength. Know what is your electrical output. Certain behaviors may grant you instant relief --- but relying on getting your power from "batteries" only lasts for so long. You will break sooner or later if you rely on running solely on batteries. It is only a matter of time; and whether you chose Duracell or some cheaper version...

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" Phil 4:13

Cool As A Cucumber.

"Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level."

Dr. Joyce Brothers

Psychologist and Television Personality

I'm a big believer in following your basic instinct; especially when risking solid ground it is crucial that you check in with yourself before making a decision, "how does this make me feel right now?" along with that I always go through in my mind the various outcomes and how that will make me feel afterwards. This makes it impossible to make a bad decision that morally goes against your core nature. Because you can't argue with your feelings.  And isn't that actually a relief in these days where everybody has something to say although little is said that really matters.

It is a very simple visualization exercise and it works. It is similar to as if you are scared of heights or spiders - you have to expose yourself over and over again, until you don't care anymore. Until you are fine whether it happens or not. This is especially crucial in matters where you are dealing with fear - i.e. fear of losing money, ego, or whatever. Once you have gone through the outcomes in your mind, you won't be caught by surprise, and you can actually prepare for the worst case scenario (emotionally and practically), so that should this happen, you can deal with it cool as a cucumber with limited damage and no need to self-medicate on destructive behaviors to numb out disappointment or regret.

It is very powerful, and it has enabled me to live a life of zero regrets... almost. Yes, there are a few things I'd probably have done differently in my life with regards to my interaction with certain people along my way. These bittersweet memories are all tied to a time where I was addicted to distractions and engaged in numbing behaviors; where I acted on impulses; never thinking twice about feelings, or scars that would occur... I was convinced that every trace could be erased; every hurt undone. But no, some memories last forever. It is what it is, and you just move on. Life is not that big of a deal. However, you always want to prevent leaving scars in other humans - because they may fade, but scars always remain scars... whether you are the victim or the cutter. They never quite vanish.

The Power of Vulnerability.

Many of us are so scared of rejection... of being vulnerable.... that we choose to numb vulnerability. When we "numb" vulnerability, we also numb our ability to feel happiness, joy.... we are simply numb. Numb as in we are the most addicted, obese, in debt and "certain" generation in US history. Certain as in addicted to boxes... vegans, dems, reps, doctor titles etc. etc. There is no discourse in politics anymore; it's just I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. That's fear manifesting itself into aggression.

Never forget that your very weaknesses are what will turn in to be your greatest strengths and pull you away from mediocricy... but you most first DARE to be weak... to be you... no veil... no more coverups and pretensions... just the naked you.

Check out this GREAT TedTalk by Brene Brown that I stumbled upon while attending the annual TedxSocal, Longbeach, "Alchemy of Transformation" that just wrapped up today (an awesome event btw!).

Just do it.

Every morning do one thing that you find the most resistance to get done.

You'll be amazed how much energy and creativity is freed up after 28 days of doing this.

i have the willpower of a snail and that is EXACTLY why I have trained myself to do what I don't want to do first thing every day. 

The rest of the day is a cake.

Stop all the talking - get out there and DO IT!

Are you living life as a sheep?

Suffering only exists in the matrix, when you follow the herd instead of your calling.

If you are currently suffering in your life; you are stuck in the matrix.

Stop looking for some magic pill. Whether it is a health, or a “mind-game” issue; the temptation to look for a quick fix is, well, tempting.

As with anything, to truly solve it, you can only suppress the symptoms for so long, before everything crumbles. And that’s why I am always focused on curing the cause - whether I’m coaching a client in breaking free of an addiction or other self-destructive behavior, or understanding the root cause of their health imbalances as my work as a nutrition doctor. If it’s a health matter, it’s about understanding the language of your genes; rather than symptom management with Rx meds of which you can only afford to be on for so long before they will, in fact, kill you. And you can only understand the difference between symptom management and treating the cause, if you have a background in neuroscience and brain chemistry - because that is where the signals ultimately stem from. Yes, your brain controls your body. Simple, really. And yet, there is a profound lack of this focus in health care still. Very tragic, but there’s money in keeping “dis”-ease chronic, keeping you on meds and keeping you coming back for more.

And the exact same holds true for every other aspect of discomfort in your life.
When you are not emotionally at ease with yourself, you can attempt to drown and distract yourself in people/sex/drugs/food/money/work/shopping/botox etc. Only to find that you need more and more to suppress what is slowly building up inside you: a deep penetrating unhappiness that vibrates from your every cell. It is as if your body is screaming at you to stop participating in the insanity, but you just can’t decode the language because you have not been taught it.

Everything in society is centered around making you an “addict”. That’s where the money is baby. Unless you step out of the matrix, that is.

And when I say “addict”, I mean it in the broadest sense; it’s the accepted addiction of controlling other people’s every move; it’s your friend texting that hotshot a zillion times and asking why (s)he’s not responding yet. And yet the answer is obvious - because you are desperate. What are you exactly bringing to the plate, except draining other people’s energy and trying to call it love. It’s not love, honey: it’s demanding immature addiction to misery.

Or it’s the vanity addiction.
Posting 110 pics of yourself on Facebook from every imaginable and unimaginable angle all dolled up, posing for the cameras to get “liked’, because you don’t like yourself; it’s training for an eight-pack, when you already have a six-pack; it’s getting a D-cup, when you already have a C-cup; it’s getting another botox injection and you haven’t even hit 30 yet, but you are so scared of age showing up at your doorstep, because deep down inside you know that you are living the lie. And once time catches up with you, you’re done.
You are nothing but an empty shell that will crush under pressure.

Your shell is threatened by time only when it is hollow.

It doesn’t have to be that way.
Life is amazing the minute you let go of control, the moment you decide that you will no longer participate in the madness; you will not follow the herd and run off the cliff.

You will, in fact, step out of the matrix.

That’s why you work with someone who understands the language of your genes - or for that matter the language of life: because we were not handed a manual on how to live life, we tend to copy what others are doing in order to fit in; to not go against what is commonly accepted as the norm. We do this because we just want to be accepted. Please like me... please accept me... please forgive me.... please love me... pleasepleaseplease. Please give me what I can’t (or rather won’t) give myself.

Now I’m tempted to ask you, who exactly are these super loving and evolved beings, that are supposed to give you what you can't even give yourself, supposed to be? Where are they supposed to come from, if we are all living the lie and just waiting for a miracle to save us? Outer space? Because quite frankly darling, there’s a bigger chance of you being saved by an alien than by another human being.

People cannot save you from you. Life doesn’t work that way.

You must take the first step and change YOU. Everything else falls into place after that.

And yes, you are scared, I know. I know the feeling of fear all too well. Humans are scared by nature, that’s the only way to be brave. You become brave by overcoming fear. The strongest people are those who have suffered with the most penetrating fears and weaknesses. Yes, it’s true: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

How do you overcome the fear factor?
We are scared only because we have not yet accepted ourselves, thus we look for approval outside. Something that can never happen. And we get caught in the game of the matrix - constantly trying harder and harder to prove that we are, in fact, worthy. Worthy of love.

But who is going to love you, when you don’t even know what love is?
How will you be able to even recognize what love is, when you haven’t even mastered the first and most important relationship in your life, that which is with yourself?

Many of us end up in relationships because, well, then at least we live up to the expectation of what normal is. We have someone to share our... wait for it... misery with.

Isn't that just nice. Now we can complain about each other and everyone else under the sun to each other. On and on and on; it never ends - constantly affirming and confirming each other in our miserable lives and how tough it is and yadayadayada. Awesome.

This has nothing to do with love. 

You are abusing other people because you are not comfortable in your own skin. That’s not love, my friend: it’s desperation and people can sense it from miles away. And that is why you are repeating the same type of relationships again and again and again. That’s why you are going nowhere - because you are focused on suppressing the malignant disease within, instead of turning to yourself for once in your life and fixing YOU.

Stop the blame game.
I hear this constantly from friends and in my work, “oh, but why is he/she like that, why doesn’t he/she call me back, why does he/she treat me like that...” Whywhywhy. Stop it. Just stop it. It’s not them, it’s YOU. It is always YOU.
Grow up. Take responsibility. Stop the whining. You are spreading negativity all over the freakin’ place, and of course no one will want to be around someone like that. That’s why your relationships keep going down the drain. That’s why you keep getting the same results (or lack thereof). Yes, you can come across people who are messed up, and I’m not saying, it’s not a two-way street and only and always youyouyou. But really, if you keep hitting repeat, it’s you.

If you are not happy, you have been dealt the cards to solve it already. No one except you are responsible for your happiness - all the clingyness and neediness is just simply annoying lack of having developed you.

Love is freedom.
Love is not about trapping people; it’s about setting them free to be who they are meant to be. When you love something or someone you only want them to be happy. There is no sense of loss, no need to trap them. You only trap other human beings and inflict pain, when you are scared of being alone with yourself. And that is both vain, incredibly egoistic as well as being plain narcissistic.

If normal is what most people are doing, then no wonder your body is screaming to go against the norm - to turn around and run. Normal is depressed. Normal is morbidly obese. Normal is Tinseltown sickeningly skinny. Normal is ridiculous starvation diets. Normal is eating disorders. Normal is addictions. Normal is screaming at your spouse. Normal is paying an escort for what your wife can’t give you anymore. Normal is drowning your sorrows on the bottom of that whiskey bottle. Normal is...
I think you get where I am going.

Your core nature does not want to dive into what normal is because... it is insane; it disconnects you from who you are. From what you are truly able to be; what you were meant to be.

Disconnection is the key to all unhappiness.
And no, you cannot get connected by getting involved with other disconnected ends - it just makes for an intertwined electrical shortcut.

You get connected by stepping out of the matrix.
You get connected by going against the herd.
You get connected by waking up, feeling incredibly scared, almost being numbed out by the fear factor - and in that moment, you decide to either step up to the plate and crawl, walk, run - screamyellcry if you must - but goddammit, you will walk your way out of the matrix, whatever it takes; even when everybody is calling you crazy, saying to come back into the comfort zone. The comfort zone of collective misery - never forget that.

You walk out that door, slam it shut and never turn back.

Or, you dive back into the box, slowly self-destructing. And now even worse, because you have seen sanity, you know there is light outside the box.
You know that normal is, in fact, insane.
So it will take a whole lot more of addictive behaviors to numb you out this time around.

So what to do now?
First you make that choice  - that you will do whatever it takes to get out of the matrix.
You must make that choice, it’s not magically going to happen one day.

Step out of the matrix.
Stop following other people’s sick rules.
Rules in a game designed to kill.
You are meant for so much more.
Life. is NOW.

You can sign up for next available spot coming up in August for life coaching with The Nutrition Doctor here.

No Strings Attached.

"The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way." 

Now that's just nonsense. Sorry Robert Kiyosaki, but it is.

A lot of us who are still somewhat stuck in the matrix end up mesmerized by motivational quotes as the one by Kiyosaki above. These quotes are so deviously misleading because they seem powerful on the surface, but only serve as a thin disguise to speed up on the treadmill of life. You abuse these quotes to go nowhere; until you surrender from exhaustion; hitting the wall; calling it midlife crisis; yet midlife crisis is nothing but the moment we realize we have been living a lie; we have been sucked up in this image that we are told we should fit into; living other people's fake lives. 

Being driven, passionate and having desire - those seemingly awesome values can be our very downfall if you fail to understand how to manage them.

So how do you manage desire without becoming greedy, needy and scared of failure? 
You don't.
You manage desire by letting it be there.
By not controlling it. By cutting any attachments to it.

What am I talking about? 
Well, it means that of course you should have that zest for life... be VIBRANT... come ALIVE... be PASSIONATE! BUT. You do not want to desire something so bad that you lose yourself. Because what happens is that you live in the future, you are tricking yourself into this illusion that when you get whatever it is you THINK that you desire, your life will be perfect.
You will finally be whole.
Lies, lies, lies.

Nothing or no one makes you whole or happy.
Either you are whole and happy or you are not. Fix it and move on. Don't make someone get involved in your unfixed business out of vanity and desperation, because they CAN'T fix you. It has nothing to do with love. Well, actually that's not true. It has a whole lot to do with love. A penetrating lack of love for yourself, and that's why you so desperately seek out things, people, botox, pints of ice cream and/or drugs to fill that void within you.

And sometimes someone comes along who may love you for who you are, in spite of what you are....
And they may see you hurting, but they still can't fix you.
And you will end up resenting them for not fixing you, because you are still stuck in your misery at the end of the day.

Disappointment only happens when we are attached to things, when we are controlled by our ego, when we are not whole yet.

This is a very tricky topic to explain fully, because it doesn't mean that you should not care about other people, or not want to go to the next level.

I'll be frank - I have a weakness for fast cars, stilettos and ocean views. But if I lose my money tomorrow, and what I do for a living suddenly provides zero income, even though I do love what I do for a living right now; it's fine. Really, I'll just start over and see what else comes along in life. I have no fears losing out, and that means that I can risk everything and take it to the next level because I'm not attached to fear and material values. Sure, it's nice to have. But that's it. I have lived without stuff before, and it doesn't really matter. It does not define who I am, what I am worth or capable of doing in this life.

The moment you let go of your ego's attachment, so that your self-worth is not defined by external factors, you can achieve everything because fear no longer controls you.
Remember that where focus goes, energy flows.

The truly amazing thing here is that that happens without struggle when you let go... when you cut the chains of attachment. And that is also the very moment you are - because and in spite of everything - able to commit to another human being, because you are not abusing them to fill you up - you are simply enhancing YOU.

And that's what life is all about when all is said and done: being the best version of you and sharing.
No regrets. No disappointments.
Just taking it to the next level.

And sometimes you may tumble and fall, but it's OK - it's not YOU, it does not compromise your self-worth; it does not lead to disappointment because it does not define YOU - and that enables you to keep trying: no strings attached!

Most people are other people.

Most people are other people's thoughts.

Most people live other people's lives.

Most people are walking dead.

Most people never COME ALIVE.

The purpose of life is not to win.

"The purpose of life is to grow and to share. When you come to look back on all that you have done in life, you will get more satisfaction from the pleasure you have brought into other people's lives than you will from the time that you outdid and defeated them."

Harold Kushner

Rabbi and Author

I LOVE this!
Just like what you eat is key in determining whether your genotype will turn into your phenotype; environment is a key factor in bringing up the best (or worst) traits in you; and that is also one of the reasons I've spent a lot of my youth on gypsy traveling; to figure out which environment supports my own core values and gives me that sense of bliss so I can be creative.

Now how would that make YOU feel better, come on now:
you'd still be stuck in your own misery at the end of the day.

For me, there is no place like California - there is a playfulness in the air and a dynamic environment to think outside the box and get inspired by others instead of just participating in a rat-race where it's all about walking all over other people, aiming to make them look bad, so you look better.

The thing is, this sort of behavior prevents you from evolving and reaching excellence that is soul-deep, not to mention it brings deep unhappiness. The more you can appreciate the brilliance of others, the more you will be able to succeed and grow as a human being - getting inspired by others' success instead of being eaten up by envy.


Regardless of how much empathy you may have, it is close to inhuman to not run with the herd, making it all the more important to choose your environment carefully, because sooner or later you will tend to blend in as this requires the least struggle - even if it makes you engage in things that don't match your core beliefs. You are human and we tend to give in to instant gratification and temptation - so rather than waiting for your breaking point, remove yourself, if you find that you have to struggle to remain balanced in the environment you are in.

When you are around people who are passionate about what they do, and they have a reason for their acts that go deeper than shallow vanity, there is an amazing air of creativity and sharing that inspires you to be better as others around you excel - and that is amazing.

An Addict's Tale.

The Scaredy Cat
An Excerpt from Courage: Overcoming Fear & Igniting Self-Confidence
By Debbie Ford

The Nutrition Doctor: Addiction is a form of self-defense mechanism. 

When you are scared of breaking, scared of rejection, 

scared of not being good enough in the skin you are in, 

it's all too easy to give in to addiction (drugs, food, sex, shopping, 

abusive relationships, internet, cutting etc. etc.) to create a shell. 

A false sense of self where you excude self-confidence. 

But it's not self-worth, and thus you continue to strive for more; 

nothing is ever enough til you reconnect with your genuine self,

 and feel comfortable in the skin you're in. Shine like the star you are.

The Nutrition Doctor uses both coaching and amino acid therapy 

to balance your body, mind and soul; breaking the chains of addiction.

"From as far back as I can remember, they used to call me Scaredy Cat. I was known as little scrawny Debbie Ford who hid beneath her mother's dress, ran from anyone who wanted to say hello, and could never fall asleep without the lights on. Always in fear that somebody was going to leap out of the shadows and hurt me, I learned to hide in corners and sneak peeks at what was going on around me. I wasn't more than two years old before I became the neighborhood child who got teased, taunted, and made the brunt of too many stupid pranks. I was vulnerable and scared. I was the youngest of three children and found out early on that no one was going to protect me. It was clear by my third birthday that my older sister, whom I idolized, and my brother, whom I believed to be my savior, were bored with my Scaredy Cat act and wished I would grow up and be normal like them.

As I got older, I learned that scaredy cats weren't widely accepted. Just like with my brother and sister, I could see that my guarded and anxious persona wasn't very appealing out in the world. I wanted to be strong and confident but instead I was suspicious and fearful. Everything about who I was embarrassed me. I was awkward and yet wanted nothing more than to fit in and have the confidence of my older sister Arielle. With her long dark hair, she was the shining star who never seemed to be bothered by anything. I began a search to discover how I could feel that way too.

Controlled by my fear and my deeply ingrained insecurities, I made a dramatic decision to turn into the girl that I thought others wanted me to be, not the girl that I was. I began to cover up my authentic, kind nature with a new "I don't give a crap" attitude. And my warm and loving heart quickly grew cold, turning away from feelings of playfulness, affection, and compassion and toward cynicism and belligerence. The pain, humiliation and fear drove me to become someone other than who I was. I created an outer shell that would protect me and yet separate me from my inner truth. But it was a price I was willing to pay. I no longer would have access to the real me as I became a self-hater who lost the courage to feel her emotions or to be seen as she was.

By my early 20’s, I had, I believe, successfully created an outer image that would trick even the best investigator. But after years of working that façade, it cracked open once again when I lost control of the drugs I had started using to fuel my false confidence. I became a pretty girl with a bad problem, otherwise known as a drug addict. When I knew I would have to get help or die, I checked into one drug treatment center after another. When I knew that I had finally reached my last chance, I let go and, as life would have it, I found peace. On the dirty bathroom floor of my fourth drug treatment center, I connected with a power greater than myself. For the first time, I went from scared, insecure, lonely, and weak to peaceful, present, and confident.

This connection happened in just a few moments. Without drugs, sugar, a man, or money, I found the courage to fight my addiction and win the internal war that was waging within. I found my power and inner strength, and for the first time in my life, I felt free and knew that I had discovered the golden key to confidence and courage. When I finally got up off that bathroom floor, I knew that all along I had been missing something inside myself – this inner connection. This power hidden within me was trying to deliver a message that would change my life.

Now I love and nurture the Scaredy Cat part of myself. I don't try to make it go away or be anything other than what it is -- a part of me that carries my fear. When I fail to acknowledge and have compassion for my fearful self, I wind up in a downward spiral of negativity. Sound familiar? When I acknowledge my fear and stay open to the gifts that it holds, I have access to the confidence and courage that I need to be authentically who I am.

Although suppressed fear is the culprit behind terrible suffering, when fear is embraced it acts as the fuel that propels you into a world of courage and confidence. Befriended fear is a worthy ally urging us to move forward in the areas of our lives where we are unfulfilled or emotionally challenged.

If fear is stopping you from reaching your goals, getting the love you want, asking for what you need or being bold and audacious to be the powerful you that you were born to be, then there is only one thing missing, and that is courage."


Biography
Debbie Ford is a New York Times bestselling author of nine books and an internationally acclaimed teacher, speaker, transformational coach, film-maker and expert in the field of personal transformation. She has guided tens of thousands of extraordinary people to learn to love, trust and embrace all of who they are. Debbie is the founder of The Ford Institute for Transformational Training, the renowned personal and professional training organization which offers emotional and spiritual education based on her body of work to individuals and organizations around the world. She is also the creator and leader of The Shadow Process Retreat.

Stop the whining already!

One thing that really bogles my mind is people who choose to whine and complain about their misfortune in life.

It's as if they want to emphasize that the cards they have been given are just so much worse than anyone else's and that life is just so very unfair. Please!

Even if that were true, so what? And most often it is not true; fact is that you just don't know every other card that other people have been dealt, so their struggles in life may not be visible to you. And really, this shouldn't matter anyway - in the end, you are you, and you only have yourself to be accountable to when all is said and done. Can you look yourself in the mirror at night and be proud of what you see? If not, it's time to change your game. Yes, my friend it really is - because nothing good comes from self-hatred. You're going to attract a lot of douche bags into your life and suffer a lot of misfortune if you lack basic self-respect. And no one with self-respect will allow oneself to sit there like another brat and throw a fit.

People who are winners are not born with a silver spoon in their mouth, they simply understand the game of life and choose to play their part instead of standing by on the sideline complaining about the players.

Only people who are afraid of greatness choose to stand by and whine about those who risk and participate. Criticizing every little flaw and misstep.

Stop wasting your life on hating
- it's tearing you apart and slowly eating you up from inside.
Is that really what you want in life?

And it's pathetic, along with being a very nasty trait. Life is tough enough as it is that we really should focus on helping each other excel instead of secretly hoping they fail so that we can feel better mopping around in our own insecurity and misery (yes, that's why we looove love to see Britney's weight gain and Angelina's drug use plastered on the front page of the gossip magazines, isn't it).

We all have unique abilities we just have to care for them and to choose to participate rather than being a passive bystander, tearing others' efforts apart when all we ourselves add to this world is negativity, spending most of our so-called work-time gossiping and eating doughnuts. Imagine what you could use that time on if you decided to feel passionate about something for once in your sorry life. Imagine all those minutes - well, hours isn't it (yes, bear with me here, I too have a streak of ADD, why hours spent on gossip seems like a lifetime for me) - that you are busy stalking your exes and those girlfriends of yours that you secretly envy on Facebook - imagine using that time building your dreams - whatever they may be. All you have to do is to take that first step... yes it seems a mountain at first, and that's why you must break it into smaller achievable and measurable steps. And THAT my friend, is what makes a winner.

The choice is yours!

Life is short, choose your destiny, be your own carpenter of life and get inspired by other people to risk solid ground and go after your dreams!

Stop sitting there and whining over why life is not handing you more on a silver plate - you're not 5 years anymore so step up to the plate and you will find deep satisfaction in taking charge of your life and reaping the results that go with it!

But also know that yes, you will fail. You will get rejected and you will fail a million times.
That's just a risk you have to be willing to pay to achieve your peak potential in life. You do not get anything worth having for free. You just have to understand that there is nothing shameful in losing everything and starting over again and again. And again.

The more you get used to trying... and falling, the better you learn to recover and then suddenly you figure out the right way that leads to the top.
And there is no way in hell you will get to the top at the first attempt. Most of us give it perhaps one try max and then rationalize our failure with "well, I guess I just wasn't cut for it".
That's nonsense.

Unless you're living in a cartoon, you have to perfect your skills and experience in life a zillion times before you get where you want to be. It's not about luck, brilliance or super skills in as much as it as about persistance. And that's why most of us end up with our 9-5 jobs, married to someone whom we barely recognize anymore, eating doughnuts at our desks while whining about our jobs, kids, the weather and hating our neighbor for having less cellulite. We choose this dead life, because we are lazy dogs. But being lazy leads to regret and pain in never having experienced the flavors of life - never having connected with our call in life. Never having really connected on a soul level with another human being, because we ourselves are disconnected from who we are and what we want.

Never give up. Never settle. Never think you are not worth it.

Continue walking, running, crawling, climbing... just keep moving!

If you can dream it... yes, you can achieve it!

If you've never failed

You've never lived.

Never forget that those who succeed are also the greatest failures... the only thing that separates a success from the masses is perseverance.

The will to go on and on.... and on.

The mindset, that somehow, somewhere, some time... there is a way.

And that you will do whatever it takes to find that way.

You won't just try - you will do it.

Just do it.

Never let anyone tell you that something is impossible.

Impossible is nothing.

Barbie is dead.

Cappuccino con nata

Inhaling my cappuccino con nata this morning (yes, whipped cream comes standard when asking for a cappuccino in La Gomera where my travels has currently led me to. And hey, who am I to argue with local cuisine couture) while rummaging through a German tabloid in lack of English, I stumbled upon Barbie's obituary.

Bye, bye Barbie

And that's about time.
Considering the amount of Botox needed to erase the trace of time and any sudden emotion on her face, her veins must be spilling over with nerve toxic waste, I reckon.

And god bless us all wouldn't it be nice to break the chains of the beauty, pharma and diet industry slavery and stop this idiocy of thinking that looking like Paris Hilton, Elin King, Victoria Beckham and so the list goes on, is normal. Normal? Sure - for a 16-year-old, not normal for a grown woman. King’s thighs can compete with my biceps for crying out loud.
Why these unnatural bodies are being perpetuated as the ideal is BECAUSE they are not naturally achievable! This is simply a way of manipulating your body perception and promoting poor body image; making you addicted to diet pills, treadmills, endless botox injections and self-esteem flat-as-a-carpet. Making you miserable in the skin you are in is worth big bucks - and trust me: The Don Draper gang 21st century is laughing their derrieres off all the way to the bank.


There is nothing less attractive than self-esteem flat-as-a-carpet. It is ugly.

My cappuccino AM daily dog

Ironically, the more plastic you fill in your body to make up for that lack of basic self-worth, the less connected you often fell with your true self and values. Well, afterall you are filled with artificial waste now quite literally.


Let's just say, I am not one to shed a tear at Barbie's funeral.
She has certainly played her part in perpetuating a plastic-fantastic image that has been part of grotesquely brainwashing an entire Hiltonesque generation.

Read. Eat. Breathe. A sigh of relief.

The Way You Want It: Style Your Lifestyle

Styled your hair, check. Styled your clothes, check.

Wrapping looks great. What about the contents?

If you are not getting what you want in life, it's time to

STYLE YOUR LIFE!

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."

George Bernard Shaw
1856-1950, Playwright

Coaching gives you the tools to get what you want in life!

Make your appointment here. 

Justified desire/fear/hurt/hate/insert here.

What makes something right.
What allows you to do what you do. Who do you walk on to get the things you want? Who do you hurt on your way? Do you know? Did you once stop and look back in your tracks?
Or do you prefer, like most of us do, to keep your blindfolds on and avoid keeping score of the death count that belongs to only you.

If everything worth having has a price...
What price did you pay to get where you are at. What things did you miss out on. If you could, would you erase and rewind. Would you take it back?

Or do you believe in no regrets.
No regrets as in everything happens for a reason (...). But what reason? And who decides destiny? Are we not our own carpenters and designers of life. I think we are. And whether one believes in God matters not, because we have been granted free will, and thus we must take action to walk the path that is carved out. Otherwise, we will be left in the dust while others walk on by.

The whispers in the dark.
After the sun sets.
Promises of what could have been. If only x, y and <insert your zillion reasons here>.
We all have our reasons to justify our actions, feelings and why we live our lives like turtles; crawling into our shell when we get scared by life and shy away from human affection.

Does it really matter why we do what we do?
Yes, I know. Your mom never loved you enough, your dad never kept in touch, and so the story goes.
No one really cares about your sorry story. That is the truth.
And the truth is you don't really want others' sympathy. Empathy yes, but sympathy is poison: It justifies your many reasons to stay in your comfort zone, walking in circles... leading nowhere.

The Challenge.
In the end if we risk nothing, then what did we gain if everything worth having comes at a price... and what we have came at no price, then it is.. worthless, is it not.
Join me in my commitment to dare. More.
Only you know, what you need to do to take the next step.
The next step to become that person you want to be.
The next step to get where you want to be in life.

And yes. You. Are. Scared. I know. Everyone is. If we weren't scared there would be no courage. Because courage comes from overcoming your fears. Just like strength comes from weakness. Those who are strongest also have the greatest weaknesses. In that way life is very fair in dealing the cards.
And when risking solid ground, don't forget that whatever happens can never be as life debilitating as risking nothing.
Risking nothing inevitably leads you nowhere with exactly that: Nothing and no one in nowhereland.
And that is a place no one wants to be. So grab a ticket and choose your destination. GO!

That feeling.

At any given time there is only one thing that really matters; one thing that makes your heart beat a bit faster, that makes you jump out of bed in your quest to get that thing or be (with) that person.
Find out what truly motivates you in life.

This is what motivates me and what I'll be doing in 21 days and counting...

It's that feeling of... immortality... no boundaries... the world is yours.

The legend of Andy Irons lives on.

Deepak Chopra on What Makes YOU Attractive!

"If trying to be attractive is futile, what is the secret to drawing romance and love into our lives? The answer is remarkably simple, and is perfectly summarized in an aphorism from the Latin poet Ovid, who said, “To be loved, be lovable.” Lovable people are natural and at ease with themselves. They radiate an authenticity that makes anyone attractive. However, the simplest solution is sometimes the most difficult to achieve. People desperately seek love precisely because they don’t feel lovable. Sadly, many of us have never felt lovable, even as children when we had the fewest conditioned defenses against love and could experience it with the most spontaneous innocence.
If you don’t feel inherently lovable, remember that being lovable isn’t a superficial quality that only some people possess; it is a quality of spirit. Even if your experiences conditioned you to see yourself as worthless or ugly, remember that you are completely lovable because spirit is love. No matter how many negative messages you received as you were growing up, your pure spirit is shining with a love that nothing can tarnish. If being lovable really is the secret to attraction, there’s no need for anxious searching – for that which can never be lost doesn’t need to be found. You can end the whole futile process of trying to be attractive to others, desperately seeking approval, and constantly comparing yourself to an ideal image. The only requirement is a shift in perception. This happens not by changing who you are, but by seeing who you are and letting it radiate forth.

Accepting Ambiguity

When you are lovable, you are authentic, natural, and comfortable with your own ambiguity. Instead of rejecting or denying your weaknesses or “negative” qualities, you embrace the opposites within yourself. You realize that everyone contains light and shadow. Inside each one of us lies both the divine and the diabolical, the sinner and the saint, the sacred and the profane, forbidden lust and unconditional love, the beatitude of paradise and the dark night of the soul. The play of these opposites is what allows evolutionary growth to occur.
When you're comfortable with your own ambiguity, your inner dialogue won't lead you to act in ways that push love away. You won't be driven by your ego's fears of rejection, isolation, and abandonment – or its desires for control, approval, and security. Knowing that your essential nature is pure love, you will instead feel free to be lavish in your expression of love. You will enthusiastically respond to the gestures of love that come your way. These gestures can take many forms, a smile from a stranger or a child, a twinkle in the eyes of a friend, a warm hand shake, a gentle squeeze, a hug, or a compliment. As you begin to exhibit the full grandeur of your being, your whole life will be a romance and a long love story dedicated to bliss and joy."

- Deepak Chopra, MD

When I was small and clueless I ate the world in tiny bites, savoring each flavor...

I remember sitting under the trees in shelter from the stormy skies, watching the ruffled leaves whirl around in the wind. I remember the sensation of the prickly autumn breeze caressing my skin as I rummaged through the breadcrumbs in my lunchbox, happily losing myself. In every moment. Everything flowed.

Do you remember?

"When I was small and clueless I ate the world in tiny bites. I chewed apologetically, counting each deliberate grind in time to the spiral beats of a song in my head that only I could hear. A tune not unlike a mosaic of bird calls, and the powdery flutter of wings feeding on the garden lit by young Mozart's star.

Colors were a mysterious and spiritual language infused with deep logic and meaning. A green Jello box invited tunneling and confusion, but the sweet brush of balsam as I sought asylum beneath its rooted symmetry petted my pining fatherless heart.

Trust is green and hard to paint, but so is betrayal.

Not only the betrayal by others. The betrayal you participate in.

The hammering of your spirit self into propriety. The brittle, safe shell you construct and will curl inside for the rest of your life. You inhabit it sullenly. Sometimes willingly. Because sometimes it works. Mostly to fool them. Fool them into thinking you are someone else. Someone uncomplicated they can love.

Someone like themselves.

In order to keep this armor snug you must give up on certain pieces of yourself. The ugly, muddy parts those in charge find distasteful or irritating or inscrutable. What no one tells you is, you end up missing these rejected quirks and knots. And spend the rest of your life searching for all those abandoned bits and wrinkles. The shining fragments of earlier music and jewels of petaled rain.
But if you are lucky you meet a painter.

A soul adept at conjuring a thicket within their non-judging arms. You learn about green and its secret origin. How to stir ivory black with cadmium yellow and a teaspoonful of cerulean. You dream of butterscotch pines and inhale and your spirit-body becomes too big for the worn out shell.

So you crack it.

Sideways at first. Sticking out fingers and elbows when no one is looking. Digging out fragments long forgotten. Rubbing off neglect and holding wobbly pale parts of yourself closer to the sunlight.

And you meet yourself for the first time in a long, long time.
In the rays escaping."


- Karina Allrich, Recipe developer